Greetings adventurers!

Hi, I'm still new to this whole html thing, please be patient with me.

Hi, my name is Carson and I'm turning 20 this year. I go by any pronouns and I just wanna contribute to the indie web since dead internet theory or so and so. Just a text blog till I manage the time to put containers aroudn things. I'm a real person!! But you're not required to think that to read. Making a blog is something I've wanted to pursue for a while. Just for my thoughts and admittedly bad ideas and that will probably not affect my career. Thanks for reading, it means the world to me.

P.S. I am sorta "a lot" to be around idk how that translates online

Things that I enjoy:

• Analysis
• anime!!
• socialism
• videogames
• nature
• puzzles
• women
• chalant people

I'm cold and I miss her guys

13:03 October 2nd 2025

Even in California, it's cold. I say 71 degrees outside but I'm cold. This feels like a those elementary writing exercises where they tell you not to think and just write. It's around the time where I get sorta envious and just start this terrible sequence of flashbacks. I always think I've made peace with sometime but it rams back into my skull. One of the most pathetic times in the year for me. It's probably since I've been getting into more of the things he was into at the time. Sorta ironic that I started getting invested after but I'm glad that I took something from it other than the...experience. I'm actually not jealous of how my ex does, if anything, I'm really happy that she's growing and still being honest with himself. As goofy as that is, I'm still more of a supporter than a hater at the end. I hope I never stop being like that, even if one day, my tsundere nature leaves me.

13:21 October 2nd 2025

Why am I so nosy???

1:56 May 7th 2025

I'm gonna preface this by saying I'm not always super nosy but most of the time, I'll get one or two social media profiles and I'm happy. For some people, that's pretty nosy already but I'm not actively trying to find everything about them. I don't think I've even ever done that. I just enjoy looking up people on social media since it's kinda like a scavanger hunt for me. You can gleam insight on so much just from a profile. Even since we've decided against more personalization on a profile. There's just so much to read into, for example, matching profile pictures. That could totally be an indication of someone's significant other or just their best friend. Tons of posts? Could mean that they're comfortable with their followers. You can never really know until you actually get to know them or just asking them. People are so interesting because you just pass by people and those people have their own story and interests. But they're just people you pass by. Maybe I'm nosy or maybe I'm just curious. They're basically the same word when it comes down to it, just the emotion behind it is different. Anyways live, laugh, stalk people on social media. Not actually though.

2:03 May 7th 2025

Why I would actually eat human flesh

17:12 April 10th 2025

I often do talk about how I would eating human flesh if given the opportunity. Not for the desire to fufill some carnal cannibalistic instinct that seems somewhat baked into some lesbians. Online, people will make a connection between being gay and cannibalism, maybe because homosexual love can be seen as cannibalistic? I joked that even being skin to skin with my ex girlfriend would never be enough, thaht I would need to claw my way into her. Which is terribly offputting to others in retrospect and makes me wonder how terribly I can flirt and get away with it. Anyways, many of my queer friends also have some sort of intersect with cannibalism as well. So not a unique thing but also not to generalize all queer people as evil flesh loving demons. With the option of flesh, you can have it cooked or raw and I'm not sure which way I would go with eating it. Maybe some sort of "rare" but it depends on the health impact. I'm not too keen on getting something from eating human flesh but maybe that chance doesn't deter me completetly away from the idea...yet. I'm just hoping I don't get a taste for human flesh and have to actively seek it out instead of it just being a one time thing like me wanting to try smoking once. That would be bad haha.

17:25 April 10th 2025

Compliments are Weird

12:01 April 9th 2025

Sparked on from the 2021 Cruella film scene I saw on Youtube, Cruella's evil mom/boss compliments Cruella into letting her guard down to push her off a cliff. I'm not too sure how people would feel about this, if it was realistic or whatnot but I think more people would fall (see what I did there) for it. Maybe complimenting others really is a secret conversation tactic since people just like praise. If someone likes your outfit that means you're more justified in liking it to then? I'm a little too overly cautious about everything so I tend to just say thanks and uncomfortably try to slide away. Not that I'm not confident about it but I think I'm just afraid and need to constantly keep some of my guard up. If you've met me, I was most likely approaching you first but I always have this silly lingering feeling in the back of my heart that people are ...bad. Even if I believe that people are ultimately good and to have some level of trust in others. Weird contridiction. Yeah, it does seem bad that everyone I know today I've had negative thoughts about but we all have negative thoughts about each other, right? Compliments totally maybe might be some odd way to mentally hjack a person's opinion but maybe, just maybe, I'm terribly dense when it comes to being shown sincerity. God humans are odd.

12:45 April 9th 2025

How to Jump Off a Cliff

Read the title again April 8th 2025

So I've never jumped off a cliff and this title isn't meant to be some sort of metaphor either.I just wanted to have an odd title as my first post. Sorta comparaable to clickbait, I guess. Like a poorly written spam email but I sorta like that look for a blog. Somewhat like a gacha machine, semi thought out thoughts or not thought out ..thoughts. I'm sure I write like an idiot even after all these years. I'm still figuring out to write well while staying true to myself. Okay, maybe the title could be a metahpor but "taking a risk" as a concept is so so generic that you could apply it to anything really. I think that's all I wanna say for this first post. Maybe I'll say more about myself in my next entry but writing about yourself is scary.